Effects of abandonment

Abandonment is when you were physically or emotionally abandoned by your caregivers at a young age.

To a child this sends the message ” You are not important”.

Children who were abandoned develop self steem issues, anxiety, depression and other psychological problems.

Many have feelings of guilt which they themselves aren’t even sure for what they are feeling guilty for.

Some think that the world would be a better place without them.

Many abandoned children will think that their needs are not as important as that of those around them. This makes them very accommodating, people pleasing and obliging.

Though these children maybe very bright, their self steem issues tend to hold them back from achieving their goals.

Sometimes the abadonment happens when the parent ignores the emotions of the child but expect the child to take care of their emotions. This form of role reversal again sends the message that ” Your emotions are not as important as mine”. These children will learn to hide their emotions and never learn to process emotions in healthy ways. They may become emotionally unstable and anxious as adults.

Some times the neglect happens when the parents do not listen to the child and disregard their accomplishments. These children learn to hide their true potential just to please their parents.

Another common issue of  adandoned children is that they develop the fear of close relationships. They are terrified of getting hurt and will subconciously sabotage any close personal relationship.

Many times they may appear distant and aloof. Or they will run from the relationship due to the fear that the history will repeat itself. 

These children are starved of care and love yet they do not know how to receive it.

Many times they may seem fiersly independent. But this is just a wall to keep oneself from getting hurt.

Some may be very social but all their relationships tend to be superficial.

It is important for parents to be mindful of the fact that what children most need in their early years is loving care and attention. Skills can be learnt anytime. But recovering from early wounds of abandonment and neglect can take a life time.

Thanks for reading.


Steps to increase self worth

What is self worth? In my experience it’s knowing your self and loving your self despite your so called short comings. It is also about being kind to your self and defending your self when you are being picked on or bullied. In my life I always saw the beauty in others even with their flaws but when it came to me I struggled to accept certain things about my self and was ashamed of myself. 

I thought I deserved it when people picked on me and bullied me.Instead of thinking those people were insecure and they needed to put someone down to make themselves appear stronger, I thought surely it must be something I am doing.

This was partly due to my childhood and the thinking pattern I had developed. Even though I was intelligent and we’ll  liked I had issues loving myself and didn’t protect myself against external attacks. The time I spent doubting and criticising my self I could have used more productively by trying to improve myself. With experience I learnt that developing my self steem and appreciation for my self should be my first priority.

Here are some advice I received over the year and have worked for me.

1. Know your strengths and congratulate your self for them

We all have strengths whether it be excellent speaking skills, writing skills, skills in sports, computer skills, singing skills or any skill that you are good at. It may seem very minor but someone else might be envious of you for what you’ve got. Sometimes it pays to write down your skills and show your self that you have alot going for you. If you struggle to come up with your own ask a friend and they will tell you what they love about you.
2. Adapt a growth mindset

Having a growth mindset means knowing that you can always grow from where you are. If you struggle in a certain area of your life you can put some effort in to that area and improve your self. For example if you struggle with public speaking push your self to develop this skill. When you put effort into developing yourself you start valuing your self more and this help boost your self steem.

3. Go easy on yourself

If you are not particularly good in a certain area but you are trying your best pat your self on the back. Congratulate your self for your effort. Know that we are our worst critic. Learn to talk to your self like how you would talk to your best friend. We all make mistakes and that is ok. It only means we are human. We can learn the lesson and keep moving forward.

4. Use affirmations

We have all seen the experiment where when you speak negativly to water what happens to the ice crystals vs when you speak positively. Similar principle applies with affirmations. Our bodies are mainly made up of water and we can use this to our advantage. Everyday take a few minutes to say some kind words to your self. Something like “I love and accept my self. I forgive myself for any past mistakes. I forgive others for hurting me. I allow universe to guide me. I am very grateful for my …..fill in the blanks”

5. Do something that you love

When we do things that we love we are much happier. When you are happy it is easy to accept and love yourself. So doing what you love whether it is dancing, painting, singing or sailing can really help boost self steem.

6. Look to yourself to make you happy

Sometimes we can look to external things to make us happy like a significant relationship. But we all know that looking for someone else to make you love yourself is a slippery slope. You will just attract another person who have issues with self steem. Much better way is to start developing your self steem and you will see that you will naturally attract people to you.

I hope these tips will help someone.
Thanks for reading.


Astrology – is it real?

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Astrology is something that was practiced in many ancient cultures and still very heavily used in places like India today. Not only India even many people in the west consult astrologer though it has not become part of the main stream culture yet.

Based on the time and the place someone is born at, the position of planets at that moment are recorded in a birth chart. From this the astrologers are able to tell the characteristics of this person. Then by looking at the movement of the planets they can predict future events.

From my experience of astrology, it is to some extent can describe your personality and tendencies quiet well. Specially if you go beyond the sun sign and look at your asendant and where all the planets sit in the birth chart, you can tell a fair bit about a person’s tendencies. 

At different points in your life you will experience the effects of different planets based on their transits and how it affects your natal chart. My most obvious example is going through sade sati. This is when Saturn the planet of hardship crosses your natal moon which represents your mind. This was the worst time of my life when I lost many things,went into depression,attracted many negative influences in to my life and basically went through alot of things that one has to experience during a sade sati. Of course I am only realising this hindsight.

Astrology is real to an extent as everything in existence has an energy and a vibration. This means that we are all constantly being influenced and affected by things around us at a physical and mental level.

In the period of good planetary transits we will do very well and in bad ones we will have to learn many hard lessons. So the way to overcome the influences of these planetary bodies is to become present to now through meditation. The planetry influences affect our mind the most so it’s important to detach from our thoughts as much as possible during bad planetary periods.

I found that spending time in meditation,in nature and by the ocean are good ways to connect more with our inner being so that we are less affected by the physical things around us. Rather than being subjected to different energy cycles and becoming puppets we can learn to be more conscious and not become too affected. This is specially important during stressful planetry periods.

As much as possible we must transendant the influence of the external on our mental state and become more in touch with our inner being.

Thanks for reading


10 ways to heal from emotional trauma for the emotionally unaware individuals

~Emotional wounds may feel excruiating, but can be healed  with the right actions~

There are two types of people in this world. The ones who are very confortable being on this earth and know how to use their surroundings to help them heal from emotional trauma. And there are others who live in a rich inner world they have created for them selves and are not aware of their own emotions.

The first group would have had emotional support from the people around them growing up. When they asked for attention they got it. The other group may not have had all their emotional needs met as the elders in their lives were too busy or did not know how to give emotional support.

The first group can turn to others to help them heal emotional wounds and they bounce back quite quickly. The other group however don’t understand their emotions so they withdraw more into them selves and the healing will take much longer.

This post is mainly  for those who belong to the second group.

1. Talk about your situation to a counscellor/ friend

If you are hurting or feeling down, talk about your situation with a counscellor or a trusted friend. Tell them the events that happened in the recent past in detail so they understand your situation. If you are carrying emotional wounds from your childhood you may think your pain is coming from those past memories. So its important to focus on the recent incidents that brought you pain. Your counscellor/ friend can help you identify the source of your pain.
2. Avoid making decisions or  trying to predict the future

This is not the time to make decisions about relocating or changing careers. This is a time to heal. So focus all your attention on healing. This is also not the time to start making future plans. This is the time to regain your health and do the tasks at hand to the best of your ability.  Also you might become tempted to know your future and seek occult artists who will try to predict your future. Stay away from them as they will put false hope into your mind.

3. Let go of the notion that  it was your fault

Sometimes we can blame ourselves for what has happened because we are hard on our selves. We need to understand that there were two parties involved and both are responsible. It is important to let go of any guilt you carry around. Things happen for a reason and we have to learn the lesson and move on. It is a good idea to write down the lessons you learned so you can use these lessons in the future.

4. Socialise

It is a very difficult to socialise when we are emotionally down. But it a very important part of healing. Going out with friends and spending time with family is very helpful when healing from emotional trauma. You can start seeing new people too so you can get to learn about different types of people while you are still single. But be prudent not to become too involved. Just treat it as a learning experience.

5. Spend time in the nature

Nature has a way of healing us like nothing else. We are supported by nature in everyway, not just our physical needs. Going to the beach will cleanse your mind of negative thoughts and body of negative emotions. Also going to the park or a hike will help you regain the life force energy that has depleted in you.

6. Be creative

When we are creating we move away from our heads and into our hearts. Being creative is an excellent way to overcome emotional trauma. You can try painting, gardening, playing a musical instrument, dancing or writing. Doing something that gets your creative juices flowing can be very healing.
7. Do the cliched things

The things you are told to do when you are going through a heart break can sound like cliches. But they can help you immensely. Listening to songs that describe your emotions at the beggining when you are grieving and then listening to ‘pick me up’ ,’up beat’ songs can help us come out of the low feelings we are feeling. And treating ourselves to some guilty pleasures like choclate or ice cream (not too much) can also help. And watching our favourite movie can also help. We can put all our attention to it and try to pick up things we haven’t noticed before.
8. Start working on your body

This a good time to exercise to increase endorphanes in your system. We can take this opportunity to make a fitness and diet plan to achive our fitness goals. You will kill two birds with one stone. You will feel better and you will have that ripped body you always wanted. This will also improve your confidence and you will attract people to you as a result.

Start learning something new

This is the perfect time to learn something new. There is no one that is pining for your attention. So take this opportunity to learn a new skill like cooking, pottery or cycling. You can throw all your energy and attention into your new project.

Join a club

Joining a club can help us feel belong to a community of kindred spirits. As social creatures we need to feel belong. Being part of a club can help us make new friends and even find the one. Either way spending time with like minded souls can help us reduce our stress.

I hope this is useful to someone out there.

Thanks for reading!


10 reasons not to rely on psychic readings


~Life is in a state of continues change based on the actions taken in the now~

Some of us may consult psychic readers in difficult times in our lives.We seek comfort and reassurance from the words of a reader. The questions we may ask include, will I find my dream job or will I find the love of my life? Or what is my life purpose?

The psychic will tell us what they see based on what actions we have taken up untill now. But the truth is our future is continually changing. Every action we take in the now causes our future to change. This means a psychic reading about the future becomes redundant very quickly.

Here are  9 reasons why going to a psychic may not be worth your time:

1. Takes you away from the present moment awareness.

After a psychic reading we may falsly belive that we know our future. This causes us to loose the present moment awareness leading to loss of concentration on what we have to do now. We may become inactive and complacent as we have the idea that our future is already set in stone. The lack of action from our part will lead to us not ahieving the goals we have for our selves.

2. Creates fear

When we get a negative reading we can become fearful and feel that we are destined for doom. This cannot be more further from the truth. Our future is continually changing and based on the actions you take now, we create our own future. 

3. Leads to wrong actions

Based on a reading we get we may end up taking the wrong actions. A psychic may say you are suppose to do so and so and you take that to heart and end up taking a wrong action. This may cause you suffering and may cause you to start your life from zero again.

4. Takes away the  ablility to think clearly

When we fill our minds with preconceived notions about where our life is heading, we are no longer able to think clearly. Our minds become clouded and we are no longer able to take actions based on rational thinking. The more we rely on psychics the more we feel like we are on a drug.

5.Impatience, panic and neverouness kick in

When we think we know what is going to happen to us we become impatient if the outcome is a positive one. Similarly if we got a bad reading we become nervouss and panicky. In both these states we are not able to live in the now and take the necessary actions to create a better future.

6. Causes one to try to create the future based on a reading

Based on the reading we got we may start taking actions that make the so called prophecy come to pass. Everything we do , we try to align it with what we expect to happen. This means that our minds become so narrow and we no longer see other opportunities that may come our way. We no longer see what is taking place around us and become withdrawn from the world around us.
7. Leads one to take action to try to bypass negative events in the future

We may have gotton a negative reading. So now everything we do, we try to keep our selves away from this impending doom. We may stop going to certain places, stop seeing certain people or just become extremely paranoid about everything.

8. Loose alot of money

These readings don’t come cheap. Many charging around $60 for an one hour for a reading. If one becomes addicted to such readings they can loose thousands of dollars a year. By going to a reading, we are literaly paying someone to confuse us.

9. Start to look for signs in the environment

Many psychics tell us to look for the signs from the universe. This make people think there is someone who is leaving around clues for you to help solve the puzzle of your life. This can cause people to imagine things and develop psychosis type qualities where they feel someone is always watching. 
10. Become addicted

Psychic readings can be very addictive. Specially when we go to a psychic who shows so much care the way they speak to us. Just remember that they are just doing a job. They might be a genuinely caring person. But it doesn’t meaning their reading will help you in any way. Overtime we starting going to a psychics for smallest of decisions like should I travel this weekend or should i wear this outfit to my friends wedding. This may sound funny. But this is the extent of how bad the psychic readings can get.

We must never confuse psychic readings as spiritual advice. It is just a form of occults used to see into peoples future. Knowing your future will not help you in anyway. The future is cotinually changing and every action we take in the now will change the cause of our lives. The very essence of spirituality is to live in the present moment. This is what Buddha and in modern day teachers like Eckart Tolle have said.

Psychic reading should be treated as a form of entertainment more than a tool to help us make decisions in life.

Thanks for reading


Nature is the best medicine for heart breaks

In life we have to go through many difficult situations. Heart breaks,loss of loved ones and other sudden changes that happen in our lives. In these difficult times some may turn to god and spirituality. Some may turn to worldly pleasures like drugs, sex, alchol, food and other forms of addictions.

Pursuing spirituality to some extent can help the person realise that everthing in life is temporary and  that negative will turn to positive. We can rely on our inner strength when everthing in the external world seems to fall apart. As helpful as it maybe, some people can become addicted to spirituality and start to think nothing in life really matters because we will all die one day. This kind of thinking is not partucularly useful when living in this physical world.

In the material sense we can start over-indulging in food, drugs and alcohol which will lead to health problems. Over eating will lead to obesity, drugs will lead to psychosis and anxiety and alchol will lead to rashes and liver related problems. So these forms of coping mechanisms can become detrimental.

The trick is for us to try to lead a balanced life style. Eat three meals a day, exercise and get enough sleep. In addition talk to a friend, family or a counscellor about the trama you are going through. It is important to develop a mind set that what ever happened is not your fault and it is just an experience you have to go through.

One of the things that i found to help me tremendously is to get out in nature. We are all part of nature and when we get amongst it we feel belong. The plants, animals and the ocean are more connected with that universal energy which we are often less connected to. We are often consumed by our thoughts and therefore less aware of that universal energy within us. When we are hurting , going into the nature will make us feel supported by everything around us. This is far more beneficial than sitting in our room thinking about what ifs and only ifs. In some cultures earth is known as the earth mother. Because we are always supported by it. Being closer to her can help us heal from our heart breakers quicker.You will forget your worries and that tight feeling you feel around your heart centre will start to ease.

So next time you are down or upset go to the beach, park or the zoo. You will feel instantly good and renewed.


Dealing with being bullied (Work place)


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Bullying can come in many forms.It can be physical , verbal, direct and indirect.
Bullies tend to pick on those that pose a threat to them or those that seem vulnerable and that they can easily put down.

The people that often pose a threat to bullies are those that are more intelligent, skilled and well liked than themselves. They are the ones that others specially new employees turn to for help. Bullies find this extremely threatening to their position. They will put these people down out of jealousy and to make them look less valueble. They believe that this will make themselves appear more sucessful.

The other group that gets bullied is those that appear vulnerable, new to their roles, a minority, female and those that are unlikely to report them. These are the people who are very passive, shy and usually have low self worth although they are extremely good at what they do. Bullying these people give the bully instant gratification that they are some how better.

The direct form of bullying involve criticising the victim’s work even if it is up to standard, physical violence and making condecending comments about the victim. Indirect form of bulling may involve making passing comments in a negative way about the victim’s personal qualities, what they wear, their ethnic background and their gender specially if the victim is a female.If the victim is a self confident person they maybe able to brush these comments aside easily. But if it is someone who is young and new who hasn’t realized their own self worth will easily think that they are not good enough. 

This kind of bullying can lead to people becoming very depressed and paranoid that everyone around them hold the same opinion about them. This can be very expensive to the victim as often they will need to seek the help of councellors and psychatrists to recover from the emotional and mental trauma.

No matter where you are if someone makes negative and condecending comments about you, exclude you from groups, use  a aggressive tone with you, give you intimidating side glances and humiliates you, know that these are all forms of bullying. This is nothing to do with what you have done or who you are, this is about the bully trying to raise their sense of self worth by putting you down. To them this is easier than working hard or developing better technical and people skill which they tend to lack.

Many times the victims of bullying tend to be high achievers who are extremely critical of themselves and usually may not be very well understood by others. They may hold beliefs that they are never good enough, they don’t belong here or they deserve the criticism they receive.These people will suffer in silence, develop depression and may even go as far as suicide.

If anyone is experiencing this, first know that this is a problem on their part and not yours. Any normal and healthy human being will not inflict pain upon their fellow humans. Infact the most sucessful people are the ones who work collabaratively with others and know how to capitalise on the different skill sets of others and praise and reward them where needed.To them every person is valueble as they bring a different set of skills.

If  you are a victim of bullying talk to someone you trust, ask to be moved away from the bully and learn to value your self for who you are and don’t let negative comments affect you. If the bullying becomes persistent write everything down and inform leaders in your organisation or school. The best revenge is to keep going dispite the bullying and give them more to be worry about.

~Libragirl5 ~

The existence! Creator or the created?


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There are many ideologies about who and what we are in today’s world. Some say we were created and others say we are the creator.So which position do we truly hold?

We are both and neither.This world is a system which operates on some natual laws and based on these laws,beings come into existence and then they die and decompose. The  laws include such laws as the law of cause and effect and many others which are beyond the comprehention of the human intellect.We are part of this self regulating system.We without having the knowledge consciously and unconsiouly participate in the perpatuation of what is in existence. This is because we are part of this interconnected system.Many things are programmed into us by nature and we are merely following the program. Can we stop the attraction between males and females and physical urges that over take them when at height of passion?This my friends is the nature of the existence we are a part of.

So holding on to the idea that we are the creator does not serve us any good as this implies we have created everything in existence and we created the laws of existence. Silimarly, saying that we were created by a creator also does not serve a purpose as this brings with it the question, who created the creator.

As humans, answers to such questions about the creation of this universe is beyond our comprehention. That is why the Buddha advised human beings to address their immediate problem which is human suffering and leave questions about the origins of the universe aside.  As we are part of the system we do not have a high enough perspective to understand the existence as it truly operates.

As humans we must be humble enough to understand that the workings of this universe is beyond our comprehension. We are just part of the existence and as such we are subjected to the laws of what is. We are neither created nor the creator. We are but a part of this interconnected existence.!

Thanks for reading

Moving on after a heart break


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All of us at one point or another will go through a heart break. There are many scenarios in which this could happen. We may have just come out of a long term relationship, loved someone who didn’t reciprocate our feelings, loved someone who was not available or had to end a relationship due to distance.

No matter what the scenario was, a heart break is something that is very difficult to get over. It feels like our heart has been ripped apart and it physically hurts. We get into a state of depression where we don’t take care of our selves anymore. We may even let it affect our work, frienships and other aspects of life. All we want to do is be left alone to wallow in our sorrow.

It is important to take some time to process the situation. But isolating our selves is the last things we should do after a heart break. The more we wallow in our negativity the harder it becomes to move on. Remember that if we do something for long enough, it becomes a habit. It may feel like you will never get over this feeling and you really don’t want to move on from him or her.But no matter how much you want to get back with your ex, you have to make the decision to let it go. This is so you can be whole again to start another relationship in the future with someone new or even the same person. But in order to do that you need to create a new and improved you.

Even if you still love your ex just decide that I will hold on to these feelings but I will keep living my life. I will do the things I like to do, I will spend time with friends and family and I will focus on my goals.I will start a meditation practice so I can become a emotionally more stable person. Even if its hard to let go, make the consious decision to love your ex from a distance for now.

Once we open up to our friends and family about our pain, they can help us feel better. Engaging in our favourite activities can help elivate our mood. Set goals for your self like You will run a 5k run once a month or you will learn to swim. This will help you appreciate your life more after a heart break.

When we continue living this way with time you will find that you would have made many new connections with people who share your passion. You might even meet someone special through your hobbies. Either way keep your self positive and learn to keep moving forward after a break up.

Remember that no one is immune to break ups and every single person has to go through it at one point or another. So we need to accept it as a natural part of life and keep living life with optimism.

Time heals all woulds. Therefore never give up and keep on moving forward.

Also, remember that the most important relationship is the one we have with our selves. To strengthen this, remember to meditate as much as you can.

Thanks for reading.

Following a middle path


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“The Buddha’s message was simple yet profound. Neither a life of self- indulgence, nor one of self-mortification can bring happiness. Only a middle path, avoiding these two extremes, leads to peace of mind, wisdom, and complete liberation from the dissatisfactions of life.” ~Bhante Gunaratana (from “Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness”)

Following a middle path is something that is highly recommended to people by the Buddha or the enlightened one. It is about not over doing anything or not under doing anything.
For example Buddha decided to not eat while he was meditating as he thought that this will help him detach from his body easier. But he made no progress in his spiritual journey by doing this. Its only after starting to eat and following a middle path that he had the necessary strength to achieve enlightenment.

Many people in today’s world develop addictions because they over do things in order to fill a hole within them selves. When we go through a break up, loose a loved one or become unemployed, many people turn to food, alchol, drugs, psychics and other forms of distractions and start over doing them. Over time it becomes a normal part of their lives and they spend valuable time and money on their addictions.

Once we get into such an addiction it is hard to get out of it. So no matter what our circumstances are we must always strive to follow a middle path in life. If you find that you are spending many hours on an activity and neglect all other aspects of life, try to distribute your time between different activities. Try to live a balanced life.

Another thing to note is that we have to balance our life between our wordly pursuits and our spiritual goals. Incorparating a meditation practice into our lives in between all our worldly responsibilities is a good way to connect with our inner being in this busy world.

So to end, following a middle path we can have a satisfactory and peaceful life.
Thanks for reading.